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Getting Through the Holidays

By Michelle Getchell, twin to Missy

Apart from the date of loss and birth date, it is the holidays that seem to be some of the hardest times for a twinless twin. There are so many people full of cheer and well wishes, it can weirdly be a reminder that happiness is fleeting. Some twinless may be asking, “How can I be happy when I feel like I am missing part of me?” To a twinless twin, this question makes sense. I know this is a question I asked myself many times.

I remember the first several holiday gatherings without my twin. It was all I could do to sit at the dinner table and contribute to the conversation. I held back tears and was keenly aware of how alone I felt in a room full of family. Please don’t mistake me, I love my family and I had always enjoyed the festivities, but without my twin it did not feel the same. I did not understand life without her and gathering together highlighted that she was gone. It was another reminder that I wanted my twin back – now.

If I am candid, I wanted to avoid it all – gatherings, presents, and people. However, I felt torn to try and please my family. I knew my presence gave them comfort by letting them know that I was surviving. In their eyes they saw me as ok.

This holiday may be one of the first without your twin or it may be one of many you have had to endure. Be assured that the feeling of tension, missing, and longing for your twin makes sense. Remember we do holidays together. You are not alone.

I use the holidays now to remember my twin with joy. Some ways I have done this is to ask my family questions about my twin. I love all stories about her. This fills me and keeps her close in a way I may not have gotten all year. I now look forward to holidays. There was a lot of time and healing for me to be able to say this. Take your time in this process and be good to yourself this holiday season. For more encouragement, feel free to read this article on grieving and coping with loss over the holidays.

One thought on “Getting Through the Holidays

  1. Thanks for every thing you do for our twins Michelle and Merry Christmas! I guess I am a little confused regarding when my membership was up. I noticed there were stickers on the Dec news letter reminding I needed to renew. I thought I had always paid near conference time. please let me know thanks Jane twin to Joan

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