Reflections from a Parent
Barb Gossett
Mother of Triplets
For as long as I live, I will never forget the day my obstetrician told me I was expecting triplets... not one, not two, but three babies' hearts were beating on the ultrasound screen. My heart and stomach did flip-flops. I was thrilled and scared at
the same time. Unfortunately, within the next proceeding 15 months I
lost an important part of me, two of my children, one in utero and one
at nine months old. Jeffrey, my surviving triplet, lost an important
part of him...his triplets. Jessie and Jason.
For the first couple years, I could not imagine how I was going to let go of the anger and the painful hurt I carried. I feared how Jeffrey may be affected by his loss. I was not sure, if I knew how or when to tell him about his triplets and how much information to give him at one time. I searched for support groups to guide me. It took
six years to find the perfect one for us, especially for Jeffrey. I
found the Twinless Twin Support Group to meet our needs, especially
Jeffrey's. This group is unique, distinct from other bereavement
support groups. It has provided us the support we needed with the bereavement of multiples and guidance for raising our surviving triplet.
The first time we attended a Twinless Twin Retreat, I was anxious, scared, and relieved all at the same time. With all those emotions mixed up inside me, I was crying more than I was laughing. As I was listening to each Twinless Twin introduce themselves and tell their stories, I heard their sadness, emptiness, and life long loneliness for their twins. Also, I heard them express how they were able to cope and learn to live on Earth without their twin, knowing their twin is spiritually with them. I heard them tell how their twins gave them the strength to carry on with their lives. I heard many achievers give credit to their twins for what they have accomplished. I learned how important it is to them to have their parents acknowledge their twinship. Grateful for this information, I knew my son was going to be okay.
The support we have received from the Twinless Twins Support Group has made Jeffrey and our family stronger. The
first retreat gave Jeffrey (who was six years old at the time) words
with meanings, so he could begin to verbally express what he was
feeling inside. He went from a very fragile child to a strong, bright,
and healthy child. I learned during that first retreat, Jeffrey
suffered more than I ever could imagine and he needed to know what he
was experiencing and why... so did I.
We have gained many things during our courageous journey through grief with the help from the Twinless Twins Support Group. We have found new friends and our Faith in God. We don't take life for granted... life is a gift from God. As Dr. Brandt has stated a million times "once a twin, always a twin." Once a parent of twins, you will always be a parent of twins.
The painful hurt has eased, but I would have to forget that day my obstetrician told me I was going to be a Mother of Triplets for the pain to be gone forever.