| | | | |
| | | | |
|
|
Help for Wombtwin Survivors |
 |
|
Intrauterine Memories
Of
Twinship Experiences
By John A. Speyrer
Ever since I began the primal process, almost 30 years ago, I kept
reading about other's regressions, which I felt had aspects, which were
improbable or most likely impossible. But then, thinking about my frame
of mind before I began my own regressions in therapy, I realize that I
would not have believed it possible to access some of the material I
have felt in primal therapy. For example, having visions of my mother's
bathrobe with its complicated design, and having other remarkable very
early visions would have seemed impossible to me.
Even after I began regressions in therapy, I felt that I would
not re-live my own birth traumas since my mother and other family
members had assured me that I had had a normal birth. But since I have
been reliving my birth traumas for the past 29 years, my perception of
my birth process was very different from that of my close relatives.
Accordingly, I have become less doctrinaire about the limits of primal
regressions into and beyond the intrauterine period and ultimately to
one's very beginnings.
For a number of decades, I had been hearing and reading that
inutero twins "know" that they have a partner with them. After I myself
had experienced both physical and emotional intrauterine primals, I
became more open to the possibility that returning to the womb was
possible. Later, I attended primal workshops near New Orleans and
witnessed such early twin regressions in others.
Last week, a local newspaper interviewed a woman who was a twin
but had lost her twin soon before birth. The twin sister had died
inutero 10 days before the surviving twin was born. She mentioned how
the very early loss of her sister had affected her life. She often felt
an overwhelming loneliness and sadness as a result of the loss and
mentioned that when she met other surviving twins she felt a deep
affinity with them. She ended the interview saying that it is very
important that the survivor be told that they had lost a twin sibling.
Thanks to her discovery of an organization
http://twinlesstwins.org she has received support for the loss,
which has impacted her life. According to the founder of the
organization, it was learned “ . . . through regressive hypnotic
therapy, that bonding (of twins) begins to appear by eight weeks . . ..
Twins from stillbirth, immediate separation by medical needs or
adoptions exhibit the same frustrations and loneliness which later
twin-death causes."1 I checked out the website and found a mention of
hypnotherapy as a treatment of this early trauma, but found that this
website was primarily a support group rather than a source of therapy
information.
I had witnessed a number of regressions by workshop attendees who
also were seriously impacted by the inutero loss of a twin. In
particular, they had problems in relationships with those of the same
sex as their lost twin. There is a small but growing body of
information about this subject in the primal literature, so I decided
to write this article pointing to sources of information about the
subject.
Leah Lagoy, the author of An Imprint For Life, has made the
psychotherapy of very early traumatic imprints her specialty. She
wrote, "From conception on through pregnancy to labor and birth, the
trauma an infant experiences, including the early loss of a twin in
utero and birth, has a direct relationship and effect on bonding and
attachment." 2
In a book review of Dr. Arthur Janov's, The Biology of Love, I wrote:
Regression therapists around the world have been observing
for decades that the fetus sometimes recognizes that it has an
inutero twin. If the twin dies and is absorbed (remarkably common) or
is lost through abortion, many believe that the surviving twin
has knowledge of this and, as a result, may suffer depression in the
womb, in infancy and in adulthood.
Such therapists claim that the surviving twin may spend a
lifetime in a symbolic search for the dead twin. As far as I
know, Dr. Arthur Janov, the discoverer of primal therapy, has not
acknowledged that psychological reactions to inutero twin-loss are
possible. However, the "lost-twin" syndrome arises frequently in the
practices of other primal-oriented therapists.3
Other therapists who have stressed the importance of traumas or hurts
on the period from conception to birth are Shelia, Dennis and Fr.
Matthew Linn, S.J. With Dr. William Emerson as a co-author, they have
written that twin conceptions are extremely common. The authors of
Remembering Our Home report that embryologists believe between 30 and
80 percent of us were originally twins. Unresolved grief due to an
unconsciously known twin loss is a remarkably common occurrence. They
devote an entire chapter of their book to Healing Twin Loss, Abortion,
Miscarriage and Stillbirth.4
However, Richard Morrock, a primal therapist, in a review of
Elizabeth Noble's Primal Connections wrote that he believes that the
memory of a lost twin is purely a "fantasy."5
The subtitle of Elizabeth Noble's book is "How our experiences from
conception to birth influence our emotions, behavior, and health."
Noble writes that Alessandra Piontelli ". . . has studied twins using
ultrasound and confirmed that they interact in myriad ways clearly
expressing their own identity and responding in different ways to their
respective positions in the uterus." The entire process, "conception,
implantation and birth present survival issues that are more of a
challenge to twins than to singletons."
Noble writes,
Loss of a twin at any time is tragedy; the powerful imprint of this
experience in early pregnancy is sometimes more profound that the loss
at birth or later. One reason may be the phenomenon of survivor guilt.
Survivors of a twin pregnancy, unlike a plane crash or freeway
accident, feel that something they did ("took all of nutrients or
space") enabled them to live but caused their twin to die. Other
dimensions of self-doubt include feeling the less deserving or the less
wanted one (i.e., wrong gender.) ibid., p. 220.
One twin described the problem as follows,
For me the physical sensations I relived in regression were very
familiar and not frightening. My twin above me was a heavyweight; there
was no room for me. Today I need a large house with high ceilings and
glass. I also see how as a result of my intrauterine experiences I set
up a victim relationship with men. ibid., p. 213
Graham Farrant, an Australian psychiatrist and primal therapist
believed that the vanishing twin syndrome was becoming a better known
psychiatric condition. In Primal Connections he recalls a client who
was not aware of her "vanished" twin would often buy two items of
clothing. Another of his clients bought a duplex house, so that the
other unit could be kept empty. The survivors, as children, often have
make-believe friends, sometimes dream of a twin and some actually set
the dinner table for the nonexistent twin (ibid. p. 221).
Through therapeutic regressions to the womb, one gains insight into how
that environment affects future relationships. See Birth &
Relationships: How your Birth Affects your Relationships by Sondra Ray
and Bob Mandel. Both practice rebirthing therapy.
Dr. Stephen Khamsi, a primal therapist, wrote:
Some came to feel, understand, and accept themselves inclusive of
their birth experience. and things seemed less "mysterious" or to
"fall into place." Hillery, a twin, claimed that birth
reexperiences helped her understand current feelings in terms of
her birth; these feelings then seemed less mysterious and
frightening. "You know, like of having no space," she recalled.
"Well of course I didn't have any space in the womb. And feeling
pushed around and crowded a lot - it was my sister that was
pushing me around." 6
On the internet, see Dr. William R. Emerson's article on birth
psychology which includes references to inutero twin
consciousness, The Vulnerable Prenate. The Birth Psychology
website, where this article is located, contains much relevant
information. Emerson has made the treatment of infants and children in
regression therapy for birth and intrau-uterine trauma his particular
interest and specialty.
In his doctoral dissertation, Stephen M. Maret analyzed The
Maternal-Fetal Distress Syndrome of Frank Lake, M.D., a British
psychiatrist who has written that the intrauterine period may encompass
a feeling of, "(c)osmic unity, a sort of paradise. But equally
well some people would go into disturbances of this intra-uterine
life. A realistic recollection of a bad womb experience of fetal
crisis, diseases, and emotional upheavals in the mother, twin
situation, (and) attempted abortion." (Lake, "Perinatal Events and
Origins of Religious Symbols, of Symptoms and Character Problems: he
Possibility of Reliving Birth and Its Effects"). In the early 1950s Dr.
Lake used LSD to trigger the regressive experience. Later, after primal
therapy was discovered by Janov in the late 1960s, he discontinued the
use of LSD and used primal regressions instead.7
Dr. Lake describes how the intrauterine period can have strongly
negative effects on the fetus. He is quoted in Maret's dissertation in
describing maternal distress affecting the developing fetus:
It may be due to her marriage, to her husband's withdrawal rather than
more intimate supporting when he is asked urgently for more than his
personality can easily give. It may be due to the family's economic or
social distress in a distressed neighborhood . . . if she is grieving
the loss of, or nursing a still dying parent, the sorrow overwhelms her
and overwhelms her fetus.
Invariably, the memories of the womb, both physical and emotional, are
hidden away from us, not simply because of repression but also due to
our innate inability to retrieve such memories in a normal state of
consciousness from such an early age. Yet, on some level, even without
regressive therapy, many may already intuitively "know" of their
uterine traumas. With the various regression modalities available,
those memories may be tapped, and re-lived so that their problem-making
potential is lowered.
So we find that womb memories are not just about having blissful
feelings of floating, or of being in a heavenly paradise. It also means
feeling guilty because we survived and "they" did not. It may mean
feeling angry because we were the punching bag and they were larger and
more aggressive and had more space and more nourishment.
The issue of lost twins is also discussed by Arizona regression
therapist, Barbara Findeisen.[See her website.] In Pre and
Peri-Natal Losses, she writes about,
"The Blighted Twin
Another cause of grief and loss in prenatal and perinatal
psychology is the "blighted twin syndrome" described so eloquently by
Dr. Graham Farrant at several Pre and Peri-Natal Association congresses.
It is estimated that 70 percent of all twins conceived do not
reach term. Sonograms show cases of one of the developing embryos
dissolving. Dr. Farrant and others believe the surviving twin
experiences that loss and retains it in cellular memory. I have had
many clients re-experience memories of a blighted twin.
Shirley came for therapy, desperate and depressed. Her third
marriage was collapsing. She had a long history of feeling alone and
guilt-ridden. She felt she did not deserve anything good.
Although she was intelligent and attractive, her life was littered with
losses and broken relationships. One day while she was in treatment,
she slipped into a uterine memory.
'Somebody's missing. It’s lonely. Something’s pushing against my
back. It’s dead. There’s supposed to be two . . . now there’s one . . .
I’m all by myself . . . you were supposed to be there with me. You left
me . . . I need to make a choice, going forward or back . . . I left
him . . . I let go of his hand . . . Oh my God, I didn’t mean to . . .
Oh my God . . . I’m so sorry. I let go? He’s all gone." Sobs racked her
body as she grieved. ' In later processing the session, Shirley felt
that she had carried the guilty burden of the loss of her twin
throughout her life. She unconsciously sought ways to punish herself,
denying herself healthy relationships, a successful career, and
virtually any feelings of satisfaction and joy. Shirley has begun the
road back to forgiving and freeing herself from very old and premature
cognitive commitments, which dominated her sense of self.
Perhaps Shirley’s relentless commitment to self-punishment might
have been lighter if she had been brought up in a loving, healthy
family. Unfortunately, her abusive, violent father, and helpless,
victim mother served to exacerbate her prenatal experience of loss and
guilt. This is always the case. Loving, healthy parents have great
power to ease and correct prenatal and perinatal losses and traumas of
all kinds. On the other hand, healthy, loving parents, particularly the
mother, also have a great opportunity to avoid many of these traumas."8
Dr. Alice Rose, who practices primal therapy in Atlanta, has written in
Bonds of Fire, how early trauma can be destructive to relationships.
She has developed a questionnaire that helps to identify potential
twin-loss patients. In her book she has listed sixty-eight personality
traits in those who have suffered inutero twin-loss.10
She calls death in utero of a twin the Vanishing Twin Syndrome and
quotes Dr. William R. Emerson who believes "that at least 40% of
conceptions are twins, but that one twin dies." Losing a twin means
that the person becomes engaged in a life-long search for his or her
beloved. Such loss can have devastating effects, Dr. Rose writes. The
surviving twin may feel guilty and they often grieve their unknown
loss. In relationships those who have lost a twin much prefer relating
to one person at a time; they are very loyal. They may even remain
loyal to those who abuse them. Everyone they meet is the potential lost
twin. They even have trouble with sleeping alone! They never again want
to risk any type of loss.11
Dr, Rose writes that food is an important issue with a surviving
twin - there is guilt that they eat too much, yet at the same time,
feel they can never have enough food. Dieting may trigger feelings of
inadequate nourishment, which were first felt in their mother's womb.
Severe dieting may make them feel that they are dying. Loneliness is a
constant problem. Twin loss can even result in severe depression.
Inutero twin-loss reveals itself primarily in relationships, especially
intimate ones.
Reliving one's past while regressed may often mean consciously living
the repressed trauma for the first time. This helps to dissipate some
or most of the stresses and relationship problems, which are sometimes
the result of in utero twin-loss.
A twin described the origin of his lifelong problem of feeling
that anything beneficial for him was felt as a deprivation for others.
He traced it to a uterine feeling.
Most of my life, anything that felt real good to me took away from
somebody else, particularly the nine months before I was born. It
seemed like any food or any space that I got, Claire didn't get.
I can remember times when I would move my body in a way to get
more room in the womb, but I would hold any joy about it inside. I
couldn't let my body let Claire know about it because if I got more
space, it meant she got less space. So, this is a unique thing for me
to say, 'Hey, I got something that's really neat for myself', and for
somebody else to say, 'That's really neat' too. It's still something
that's hard to get used to. Feels real good . . . 12
_______________
1Morning Advocate (Newspaper), Baton Rouge, La, May 2, 2003, Ellyn Couvillion, Twinless Twins, p. 2C.
2Lagoy, Leah, An Imprint for Life, The Primal Psychotherapy Page
3Speyrer, John A., Book Review of Arthur Janov's The Biology of Love.
4Speyrer, John A., Book Review of William R. Emerson, Ph.D. Shelia,
Dennis, Matthew Linn's book, Remembering Our Home: Healing Hurts &
Receiving Gifts from Conception to Birth .
5Morrock, Richard, Book Review of Elizabeth Noble's Primal Connections .
6Khamsi, Stephen, Birth Feelings: A Phenomenological Investigation, .
7 Lake, Frank, Theology and Personality," p. 66. Quoted in Stephen
Maret's Frank Lake's Fetal-Maternal Distress Syndrome: An Analysis, p.
69, Dissertation, Chapter 2 .
8 Pre and Peri-Natal Loses, by Barbara Findeisen in Terry Larrimore website, Early Trauma Treatment and Trainings.
9 Kimberly Ann, Art From the Unconscious , The Primal Psychotherapy Page
10Speyrer, John A., Book Review , Bonds of Fire by Alice Rose , Ph.D.
11Rose, Alice, Ph.D. Bonds of Fire: Rekindling Sexual Rapture, p. 57-58.
12 Clay, An Interview. The Denver Primal Journal, Vol. 1, Issue 3, Fall, 1978, Denver, CO.
From http://primal-page.com/
|
|
 |
|
| | | | | |
| |